The Bachelor King

From the archives, here’s the first installment of “The Bachelor” series:

It seems that the original bachelor had an unfortunate backstory, becoming separated from his first wife after he got drunk and tried to humiliate her.  To replace the unfortunate woman, the show conducted a search that was nationwide — indeed, known-world-wide.  An incredible number of young women participated in the competition, and were interviewed and treated to elaborate spa trips.  There were also numerous “fantasy suites.”  The search proved successful, and the bachelor and his new love were united.  The audience loved it!

But what followed really sent the ratings through the roof:  It seems that bad blood had developed between the bachelor’s top assistant (the original Chris Harrison) and a member of the successful contestant’s hometown family — to such an extent that the former hatched a plot to cancel the latter.  But the bachelor learned of Mr. H’s scheme when the unhappy relative contacted the new bride!  What’s more, it turns out that the hometown relative and the bachelor had really hit it off.  Then, when the bachelor walked in to confront Mr. H, he was caught in a compromising position with the bachelor’s lady love!  As a result, it was Mr. H himself who got canceled.

The show ended with a huge party on “The Bachelor Tells All,” and with a group hug of the newlyweds and the vindicated hometown relative.

Oh, wait, that’s not ‘The Bachelor”:  It’s the book of Esther.  April Fool!