There is an almost surreal quality to the last chapter of John, the last chapter of the Gospels.
Jesus has already be resurrected and appeared to the disciples, and Peter decides to go back to his fishing. And other disciples join him, and they fish all night, unsuccessfully. Jesus then appears on the shore, cooking fish that He has and telling the fishermen where to cast their net. It was Jesus but somehow the disciples did not know that. They catch so many fish — 153, to be exact — they struggle to bring the net ashore, and meanwhile Peter, told by John that it is indeed Jesus on the beach, cannot restrain himself but plunges into the water and wades ashore, too. Jesus then asks him, three times, if he (Peter) loves Him (Jesus). And three times Peter insists defensively that he does. Then Jesus tells Peter to follow Him, and foretells that Peter will die doing so. Peter ask why he must die when John does not. Jesus answers that John’s fate is not Peter’s concern. And there the narrative ends.
The first question, which I confess should be obvious but had not occurred to me until recently, is: Why has Peter returned to fishing, rather than immediately hitting the road, following the Great Commission? And an obvious answer is, Peter viewed himself as a failure. Jesus’ Sunday Resurrection was a triumph, and yet it also must have been a personal humiliation for Peter — who had denied Jesus three times on Good Friday, and now had to live with the fact that in doing so he had also, falsely and cowardly and wrongly, denied God. He must have concluded that he was not fit to continue being an apostle.
And so Jesus then asks Peter — three times, just as Peter had denied Him three times — if Peter does love Him. And, Jesus says, if you do — well, then you know what you have to do: Follow Me. Follow Me and save others. Follow Me even to the death, if that’s what’s in the cards for you. Don’t worry about what others are doing, just do what you are called to do. Bam.